


It Should’ve Been Us

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Buckle up folks, F/M, I tried my best, I’m so bored, bellarke angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: When Bellamy and Clarke find themselves in a rocky situation of tears, anger and heart ache all because they aren’t the same people they were six years ago.





	It Should’ve Been Us

He doesn’t know how it happens. 

First, he remembers scooting so close that it was barely an inch of space between Clarke and himself and they were staring so intensely at each other. 

He remembers bunching the back of her t-shirt in his rough hands, feeling like she could disappear if he didn’t do so. He was so blinded by the tears in both their eyes, a shine to her blue sea and a glassiness in his eyes that told a dark storm in brown. Bellamy was so happy to be back, to be in her arms and cry in the nook of her shoulder like a small boy. 

Well, now he’s really close to walking out on her stubborn attitude and filling his mind with the silence that nature provided. 

“What happened to us? What happened to you Clarke?” Bellamy asks, his right hand running through his hair while waiting for an answer. He never wants to get upset with her, especially yell because he knows he can’t and won’t walk away from the intensity. He should know better, being that he’s always been the knight in her eyes. 

Eliguis, it’s all their fault. 

“People change, I’ve changed.” It’s so simplistic that it makes Bellamy’s blood run hot. 

He stays wide-eyed. “You can’t give me a better answer?” Bellamy stutters with the emotion creeping into the back of his throat “I-Is it because I thought you were dead? Do you hate me because of that?”

Clarke turns around, gaze too fragile to even dare to lock with his sadness with her feet shifting in the sand beneath her toes. The beach right outside of the Valley, near Polis, bringing back too many painful memories for the both of them. 

 

“I can’t hate you Bellamy, and I’m the one that told you to go if you’re still grieving my _supposed_ death” She doesn’t mean for the last few words to come out bitter, but they do. The realization burns the tip of tongue into trying to clear her intention, but it doesn’t hurt her enough to try. 

The water, the lake. 

Bellamy glances towards it, almost seeing his face in the tide because it’s reflecting moonlight. He’s wondering about how he’s even getting the point of tears when she was the one who was supposed to care. 

“So if it’s not me, then it’s Madi?” He questions. 

Clarke’s eyes flash just a shade darker because that’s her child’s name that just came out of his mouth. She knows that he saved her twice now, and she’s immensely grateful but he’s changed too. 

She understands why he asks so she answers. “If you’re going to interrogate me as to why I shouldn’t save my mother or fight for our people especially Madi, to claim Eden, then please d-don’t try”

He doesn’t know what she’s been through, the suicide attempt, the endless waterfall of tears. He doesn’t even know half of it. She has people to protect, and Clarke won’t let anything else bad happen to those she loves. Hell, she has Bellamy to protect now more than ever, she’s lost him once and even though she’s angry....she’ll fight for him. 

“You don’t think I know that? I was the one to make the deal with Diyoza! I was the one that had everyone disappointed because I was weak. Octavia will never forgive me, and that’s what hurts me Clarke” Bellamy has wet tears down his face, too upset to wipe at them but her name hisses from his lips. 

She has to be brave. 

She looks at him, locks eyes and stares at the vulnerable side of Bellamy Blake. 

“You don’t think I want Eden for us? You don’t think I’m willing to kill those monsters to protect our people? You really don’t think that Madi is a version of Octav-“ Bellamy begins to say, but gets cut off with Clarke snickering. 

“Madi will never be like Octavia” Clarke shakes her head, laughing as if it was funny but it scares her. 

The air grows thick with tension, that Bellamy’s heart was thumping against the tip of his fingers. He knows that his sister isn’t a golden child, nothing near perfect or moral. But, that’s his family. 

“The Eliguis people won’t work with us willingly Clarke, that’s why we have to negotiate. Did you ever think about why we killed all those people? We always thought we were saving humanity. . . But in reality, we were killing it.” Bellamy soothes, trying to sound logical like how she used to be. 

Clarke unknowingly tugs on her sleeves, pulling away automatically at the sound of his voice again. She hates the fighting too, but it wouldn’t be typical if she doesn’t have opinions of her own. 

“Am I the one doing the killing? Why are you blaming all of this on me? I don’t need you to tell me how to protect anyone I love. . . And that includes protecting you” Clarke admits, her face loosing it’s daunting stare and watching as his face turns gentle as well. 

She loves him, and of course he knew that. He knows everything. 

“If you were protecting me, then you should’ve thought of that before ignoring me after our moment in the prisoner ship.” Bellamy states, letting out a breath he knew he was suffocating himself with. 

She forgot about that, Madi was always her first priority and she was back in her daughter’s arms so fast that she didn’t wanna let go. 

Clarke sighs “Madi has been with me longer than you have, Bell-“ 

“So that automatically gives me the justification that you don’t care about how I felt? How it felt for me to see you again? I was dying to feel anything of what you were, having you in my arms was literally something out of a dream. Your little girl is precious but sometimes....I just wished you could of payed more attention to what we were” 

Bellamy walks a few steps closer, waiting for the response to come out of her mouth and shock the both of them with truth. 

“You aren’t a child, so please stop acting like one.” Her voice shakes. 

He’s only a foot away from her at most, and his clothes feel heavy like the baggage of the life he lived without her. 

“You aren’t alone anymore, and in case we both needed a reminder...we meant a lot to eachother and I can’t stand not being around you” Bellamy reaches his hand out, but it only grazes her left elbow hoping to hold her in place. 

Clarke’s heart almost tears, it almost cracks but she remembers that it’s not in the palm of his hands anymore. It’s Madi’s to care for. 

“Do you know how hard it was to live without you?” She licks her lips when feeling her eyes water because maybe it’ll distract her from the grip on her arm. 

Bellamy listens when she continues talking, his eyebrows crease together when his focus is entirely on her. 

Maybe this is their chance to reconnect. 

“All too well. I don’t wanna think about it and I’m sure you don’t either” He responds for her. 

“Madi made me feel better...Bell, I had someone to love again.” She smiles before she sniffles, letting her walls down for just a few seconds before she realizes. 

“I had someone to love that wasn’t you....and so you did the same.” She finishes, knowing well that Echo was still a permanent fixture in his life. But she still allows herself to curl her fingers around his forearm to inch it’s way into their memories.

The intimacy of that moment was something she would miss. 

It’s like everything rattles in his brain, his focus entirely lost and he’s wandering her eyes for an explaination he won’t get. 

Bellamy shakes his head, wanting to convince her that they could still love eachother after time spent apart. 

He can’t lose her again. “Don’t say that! P-Please don’t say that to me....I’ve loved you for the past six years and even though I got over you, I-I still need you” 

He’s a stuttering mess now, knowing how he fucked up with the Eliguis deal. He should’ve known better with using his head, he should of learned more from Clarke or Raven. Now he’s losing everyone he cared for again. 

Clarke was the one packing her med kit again because who knows what trouble could be out there when it’s just her and Madi. She doesn’t turn around, the tension too thick to acknowledge again. 

He begs. “Tell me to do something, like old times....I just can’t lose you again” 

Her voice was hoarse with tears, having enough of him, having enough of her past. “You’ve already lost me the second you got over me.” 

Bellamy is blinking back his ongoing tears, eyes still wide open. He doesn’t understand why she’s acting this way. 

“You wanted me to be depressed over your absence for six years?” He asks. 

She shakes her head, “I wanted you to come back home and love me the way I’ve been hoping for since Praimfaya.” 

He heads her sniffle back the mucus from her nose, which makes him take the cue to wipe his own tears and emotion. He’s a taken man, painfully loved by the girl who caused them all so much trouble but grew some peace in his heart. Damn his fragile heart for being so forgiving. 

He was so open to love after losing his partner, that he loved anyone who was able to make him smile or forget about the blood stains on his hands. 

He realizes that he doesn’t have Clarke anymore and she’s slipping through his fingers, she wants him but he’s loyal to his friends. God, he still loves her. 

He doesn’t embrace the silence that follows, the burden on his chest already too heavy for his heart, so he says what he should say to her. 

“That was exactly six years ago...I guess you’re right. Things have changed.” He accepts the truth, her pain in that moment. Bellamy tries to sound less emotional, but the voice cracks weren’t as convincing. 

She’s still crying like the dam in her heart had exploded, ignited this desired flame that can’t be put out. Bellamy is dying to console her, wrap his arms around her and tell her it’s okay. But, he can’t. 

They aren’t partners, or lovers. 

Clarke tells him what she’s holding in for her last words. “I love you Bellamy.” 

All the wind gets knocked from his chest and he doesn’t hesitate to clutch his own shirt because how dare she? How can Clarke tell him everything when it’s all crashing down around them? 

He’s so angry, torn and emotional and it’s like Hakeldama all over again. He’s transported back in time, back to the utter disappointment and raw hatred towards someone he would end his life for if it meant she was alright. That person was Clarke, always has been. 

Bellamy spits out, “If you really did, you wouldn’t have shoved me away.” 

“ _Yeah?_ I’m sorry for realizing that you’re happy with Echo, and not pulling you into my arms every freaking chance I get. I’m sorry for _shoving_ you away because I love you.” Clarke argues, giving up. 

She walks past him, too tired to wipe her face for the millionth time knowing she’s about to do this whole **surviving** thing alone without the man she wanted to do it with. Her hand grips the door frame, her knuckles white when she tries to fight the urge to look back at him. She leaves him too much, leaving him in the dark and unworthy of consolation because the burden is too tough for her to handle. 

Bellamy expects it all, grabbing her forearm with a bit more force than needed and fights his own urge to pull her, to make her not leave him behind. 

He’s met with the wild blue eyes he dreamt of, that his brown ones only explore her face for one last time. The bruise on her neck from her shock collar and torture he saved her from, he admittingly wishes it was done by his mouth. Shamelessly, wishing he was the one to love her instead of tortured by his own feelings and lifestyle without her as a staple. Clarke’s face is close to his, but farther away in both of their hearts. 

Bellamy tilts his head, _one last plead so maybe they could fix all of this._

Her fingers shake against his arm, but she pulls herself away instantly because he realizes she doesn’t want to leave him but Clarke Griffin always hesitated when it came to Bellamy. He wants to shout her name, to go after her. 

Even though, her name dies on the tip of his tongue and he’s suddenly speechless. 

She’s gone before he had the chance to say it back, to say that he loves her too but it’s always too late. 

He lost her, and now he’s transported back into present time where the trees rattle with strong winds, has a girlfriend who nobody likes, loyal to a group of friends who aren’t biological but should be. 

Clarke is gone, and his heart shatters because this wasn’t how his life was supposed to be like. 

**Author's Note:**

> Am I evil for this? I hope you guys enjoy my attempt at some bellarke angst! Till next time (the two week hiatus for 5x06 is killing me Incase you were wondering)


End file.
